Hopeless Devotion
by HatingWednesday
Summary: I have let her eyes captivate me.  I have lowered my defenses and let her beauty prey upon my life.  And now it is too late; I cannot turn away. One-shot, AU, Sebastian/Fem!Ciel, Claude/Fem!Alois, one-sided Claude/Fem!Ciel.


_**Disclaimer:** I do not own Kuroshitsuji or any of the characters in this fan fiction!_

_**Summary:** I have let her eyes captivate me. I have lowered my defenses and let her beauty prey upon my life. And now it is too late; I cannot turn away._

_(Do not lust in your heart after her beauty or let her captivate you with her eyes, for the prostitute reduces you to a loaf of bread, and the adulteress preys upon your very life. _

_Proverbs 6:25-26 [NIV])_

_**Warnings:** One-shot. Includes indecent thoughts, sexual content, rape, and inappropriate language. AU setting, Fem!Ciel and Fem!Alois. Oh and it's from Claude's POV (that's a warning in itself lol)._

_**Pairings:** Sebastian/Fem!Ciel, Claude/Fem!Alois, one-sided Claude/Fem!Ciel._

_**A/N:** I'm surprised at myself for writing this. I don't care for either season of the Kuroshitsuji anime and I was going to stick with writing stories that involve manga/musical-only characters. But this is an acceptation. C:_

_Also, I could have easily written this story with Alois and Ciel being guys, but I've always wanted to write a story with Alois and Ciel being girls. I don't know why, really. But I figured this would be the story I would write where they're girls so._

_**Important note:** Alois is a male name; therefore, I changed his name to Aloisia in this fanfic. I'm sorry if that bothers any of you, but I wasn't going to just keep his name the same despite it being mascline. Aloisia is a German name and is the feminine version of Alois. It's pronounced: Ah-lo-EE-zee-ah._

_Enjoy!_

* * *

><p><span>Hopeless Devotion<span>_  
><em>

Her big, baby blue eyes shimmer like crystals as the headlights of passing cars and street lamps reflect in them. Attached to that pretty face is a cute button of a nose and a pair the most kissable lips I could imagine. Blond, medium length hair brushes back and forth against her shoulders as she takes even strides by my side. I allow by eyes to wander lower, lower down her body, reviewing every detail that I already have memorized. How can a human being be this beautiful? This girl is dazzling. This girl is mine.

But it's not just her appearance, it's _everything_ about her. It's what she does, how she acts, how she treats me. It's what she likes, what she dislikes, everything she says, and how she makes me feel. Surely she possesses the most a pure and beautiful soul. An excitable, loving, and easy going girl is what I have, is all I want. And I know she feels the same about me, the serious, stoic workaholic. She's like the missing piece to the puzzle of my life; the only piece that I feel will ever fit. We're opposites, but is that not why we attract?

This woman and I are walking hand in hand down the bustling nighttime streets of the city. Aloisia had begged me to come out to the city to see the Christmas lights, maybe even go ice skating on the rink that lies directly in the center of it all. If anyone else had made this request, I would have turned it down before they'd even finished their sentence. However, I could do little to resist Aloisia, so naturally I'd given into her request. And here we are; Aloisia admires the Christmas lights, whilst I admire her.

At last, she notices my gaze and turns her head up to look me in the eyes, those vivid pools of blue searing into my own honey-colored ones. She offers me one of her warm, caring smiles and I feel her grip on my hand tighten. I believe she notices my face tense into a serious expression as I come to a realization.

I'm fairly certain I love her.

"What's the matter, Claude?" she asks me, and her face scrunches to mirror my concern.

I pause, feeling the burning need to hold her in my arms. And I do. I turn her way and without giving her a second to process my actions, I embrace her. I embrace her tightly, her head resting against my shoulder, her breasts pressed against my chest, and I don't let her go. It has always been so hard for me to express just how much I care about her, and I feel that this is one way to do it. I can only hope my feelings are clearly reflected in my actions.

"Are you feeling okay, Claude?" she asks me again, wiggling her arms out of my grasp and pushing my midnight-black bangs aside to press the back of her hand against my forehead. I do not blame her, nor do I feel offended, by her bewilderment over my actions; I have never been the type to express my emotions so easily.

The two of us stand there in a tight embrace for another few minutes before she finally wiggles out of my grasp completely, slips her hand into mine once more, and pulls me away from where we stood. "Let's move on," she nearly whispers, obviously fazed by the sudden change in mood. Perhaps my feelings reflected a bit too strongly. Who truly knows what was going through her head just then?

Nevertheless, I nod in agreement and I give her hand a loving squeeze. I wonder how I could possibly be so lucky as to have her as my own.

* * *

><p>"A double date?" I hear the voice across the phone confirm my words. "What are we, teenagers?"<p>

"No, but Aloisia has been eager to meet you since you're my only family left. The double date was her idea," I explain to my half brother, Sebastian, over the phone. There is a long moment of silence as he mulls over the idea, and I take this time to consider things.

I have never met Sebastian's girlfriend, therefore I am not certain of whether she will approve of this double date idea. However, I know that if she _is_ okay with it, Sebastian will surely approve as well. As far as I know, he's been head over heels for her ever since they started dating almost 3 years ago. He'll do almost anything for her, and protect her no matter what. Those two things I _am_ aware of. And I thoroughly understand his feelings, since I feel the same about Aloisia.

Sebastian and I are opposites in many areas. He has had many girlfriends in the past, Ciel being the only one he's been with for such a long period of time. I, on the other hand, am lucky to have a girlfriend because of the fact that I'm for the most part emotionless, boring, and most definitely serious. I do not deny those facts. Sebastian has always been more laid back because he is confident in his abilities. Again I, on the other hand, am uptight and work-oriented.

"Yeah fine, I suppose I'll ask if she's okay with it. I doubt she'll agree though," my half brother warns me.

"Just...please try to convince her. Aloisia really wants this," I almost beg him, but in a calm way. I hear a sigh on the other end of the phone and I tense up at the thought of rejection. I have always had this tiny, but irking fear of losing her. And she'll be sure to leave me if I cannot find any way at all to show her how I feel.

"I'll try. I'll call you tomorrow," Sebastian responds at last and I inwardly sigh in relief.

Once I hang up, I shove my cell phone in the pocket of my jeans and head out with a long day of work ahead of me.

* * *

><p>I ease the car into an empty parking space in the parking lot of the bakeryrestaurant called Baked Sensations. This place is one of the most popular restaurants and bakeries in the entire city, and is known for their homemade recipes. And apparently, it's one of Sebastian's girlfriend's favorite restaurants. In fact, making reservations at this specific eatery was the only way to convince the girl to agree to this date.

In the past, Sebastian has told me little bits and pieces about this girl. One thing is that she's addicted to sweets, and another thing is that she loves pastries. I have never eaten at Baked Sensations before, but it happens to be known for its mouth-watering desserts and has nothing but positive reviews from food critics. So how could she possibly pass of this offer?

"Ready?" I ask Aloisia, who is sitting in the passenger seat with an excited smile that seems to be plastered upon her face for eternity. The word adorable comes to mind when I see the childish enthusiasm the girl conveys. She has always been overly thrilled about little things like this, so her behavior is no surprise.

We walk into the double doors on the outside of the building, across the heated vestibule, and into the actual restaurant. The first thing about the place that hits me hard is the irresistible aroma. The scent of freshly baked pastries added with the cozy, old-fashioned décor helps to boost the homey environment. I feel myself inhaling more often, delighting in the smells that treat my nose.

"We have reservations," I say to one of the waiters behind the counter, and I give them the reservation information.

"This way, please," the gruff, blonde man tells Aloisia and me as he leads us farther away from the entrance and toward our booth. Once our short walk ends and we arrive at our seats, I allow Aloisia to climb into the leather booth first, and then sit down beside her.

Glancing around the restaurant, I noticed that almost every table is full, which isn't surprising for a Saturday night. Soft, casual chatter and an occasional bit of laughter fills the room, but it's all relaxed and nothing rowdy. I already have a positive opinion on this restaurant.

I turn my head toward Aloisia, who also seems to be either admiring our surroundings, or searching for my brother, who has three minutes to show up before he's late.

As if right on cue, I spot a head of black hair maneuvering around tables and toward our own. Of course he's not late; he's never been late a day in his life.

"Evening," Sebastian greets us, but is looking directly at Aloisia as if I don't exist. We've never been the best of friends.

"Good evening," I barely hear Aloisia respond, because someone arouses my interest.

I love Aloisia. She is my world; she is perfect to me. I feel as if I would die without her...or to be less dramatic, I'd be a wreck without her. Even when I am not with her and I'm trying to focus on something else, I find it hard to keep my mind off her. She is the only clear thing in my otherwise blurry world. Therefore, I say it is absolutely astounding that someone has been able to make me forget all about Aloisia, even if only for a few moments.

My eyes never leave her; her royal blue eyes, her long, shiny, bluish-gray hair, and her fair and flawless skin. _Those _are the most kissable lips I have seen in my life. Her body is shaped like a perfect hourglass, and yet she's tiny—oh so tiny. She's small and frail and I find myself wanting to protect her and corrupt her at the same time. How easy it would be! It isn't just how beautiful she was that has snatched my attention. She has this young and innocent look about her face, but at the same time she carries herself in such a confident manner.

I feel a shiver rattle down my spine when she looks me directly in the eye, fearlessly, confidently, smiles—no, smirks—and says with the utmost innocence, "I'm Ciel. It's nice to meet you."

"The pleasure is mine, Ciel. I'm Claude," I introduce myself, and I can swear the name itself leaves a sweet taste behind in my mouth. I am astounding that I manage to speak calmly with this creature standing before me.

My eyes still do not leave her as she sits down, as she picks up the menu, and as she searches. I notice that the pink tongue within her mouth pokes out to trail along her lips, and I shiver in delight. Every action, every move she makes draws me in.

I have caught myself glancing in the direction of good-looking women in public in the past, but never before have I felt this way for any of them. And this is the same thing isn't it? Seeing a beautiful woman doesn't automatically make me want to hold her in my arms, or kiss her, or have her. The mere sight of Ciel, however, makes me want to do _all_ of these things!

All hopes are deflated when I'm pulled from my fantasies and back into the real world. I remember that my girlfriend is sitting beside me and that Ciel's boyfriend, my half-brother, is sitting across from me. I feel myself scowl when Sebastian drapes one arm around Ciel, almost possessively as if he's caught me looking a moment too long. I feel my heart pound with rage when he leans over to plant an innocent kiss upon her temple. I finally tear my gaze away from the two, feeling utterly sick with jealousy.

* * *

><p>After over an hour of pure torture and after my stomach is full, we ask for the bill. Pure torture, because I was forced to sit there awkwardly thinking about how much I long to be near Ciel while my girlfriend is sitting beside me. But thankfully, there had been few pauses between conversations; everybody except for me seemed to have a lot to say.<p>

"Well I had a great time tonight. That food was amazing," Aloisia exclaims, but once again I find it hard to pay attention to her while Ciel is still sitting diagonal from me.

I am quite honestly surprised that nobody noticed by eyes constantly wandering over to her, even when she isn't talking. Sometimes I even feel my eyes glued to a place…quite a bit lower than her eyes. I am surprising myself. Normally, I would have never allowed myself to do such a thing. I have always been respectful and refrained from staring at places that would make a woman feel uncomfortable. But I simply cannot control myself tonight. Whether she has noticed or not is beyond me.

"I had a good time too. The food here has always been my favorite," Ciel agrees, twirling her hair around two of her fingers absently. After watching her all this time, I notice that she has two habits; twirling her hair, and playing with the ring sits around her ring finger. I find myself wondering if it's an engagement ring, but I quickly push that thought aside because I know thinking about it only makes me furious. I notice that one of her eyes is slightly discolored, but it's only noticeable if you look as closely as I have been throughout the entire meal. The more I watch her, the more I realize that for some reason I desire her more than I have desired anyone or anything.

I know that I'm a fool. I don't even know her, and here I am having such lustful thoughts about her. And the poor girl is completely oblivious to the thoughts involve her that have been going through my head.

Just then, I glance Aloisia's way just as our waiter sets the bill on the table and I realize that the feelings I once harbored for her are now dimmed. It's as if someone has carelessly thrown a blanket on top of a blazing lamp. It restrains the light, but after a while it will surely cause a fire and lead to destruction. I conclude that I still love Aloisia, but I do not desire her as much as I do Ciel.

"I suppose it's time to get going," I hear Sebastian say, and once again I snap back to reality.

The rest of us agree and move out of the booth to say our final goodbyes. When Ciel slides down from the rather tall booth and stands on the ground, I realize just how short she is in comparison to me. What a fragile and precious creature she is. She extends her hand to me while she pulls the straps of her purse up on my arm and offers me a polite smile. Gladly, I take her hand and I find that her skin is just as soft as it looks. I feel myself sigh as I shake her hand and then feel her pull away to do that same to Aloisia.

"It was so nice to meet you, Ciel. You too, Sebastian!" Aloisia cries, cupping their hands in hers in affection.

"Again," I murmur to Sebastian while the girls have their own final conversation. He cocks an eyebrow at me and I expand on what I'd said, "We should do something like this again. Aloisia likes the two of you and seems to have had a good time."

He gives me a skeptical look and shrugs. I'm not usually one to do things like double dates in the first place. But wanting to do it twice in a row? It's very unlikely for me, and he knows it. "We'll see," he drawls before we part ways.

* * *

><p>I've become desperate. Every other woman is rubbish to me now. I want her; every part of her. I want her body, her heart, her soul, her <em>everything<em>. I feel a pain in my racing heart just thinking about her, because I know that no matter how badly I want to have her, I simply cannot. She is not my property. She does not even want me in return!

I have never been so obsessed with anything in my life. In the past, I've claimed to be obsessed with many things; video games as a teenager, certain foods, movies, books, sports. How foolish I was to even think that those things were _real _obsessions. The only real obsession I have ever had is Ciel.

The obsession runs so deep that here I am on my bed, pounding into my girlfriend, and the only one that's on my mind is Ciel. It is not Aloisia' screams and moans that I hear; it's Ciel's. Aloisia' nails are not clawing into my back, but Ciel's are. It is not Aloisia that I see beneath me, bare, red in the face, and panting; it is Ciel. Hearing Ciel's voice moan my name so shamelessly and beg for more pushes me over the edge. Even thrusts suddenly turn into harder, faster, spastic jerks and I push as far into her as possible, tilting my head back in pleasure when I do so. Beneath me, Ciel continues to writhe and gasp and when I see this, when I hear those noises escape from her throat, I lose it. With a few more jerks, I curse and come hard. My body shakes and I thrust weakly, riding out my orgasm.

The both of us collapse limply against the bed, panting and sweating. I keep my eyes glued to the ceiling, not wanting to look over and see the woman I no longer desire in my bed. I don't want to return to reality just yet; I need to pretend it's _her_ for just a few more minutes.

My efforts were in vain, however, because as soon as Aloisia snuggles up against me, I snap back to reality. My disappointment is veiled when I wrap my arms around her and pull her body close to mine. Goosebumps rise on my skin as her fingers trail lightly up and down the scratches on my back, and again it's time to pretend those fingers belong to Ciel.

The guilt from leading Aloisia on that's nagging at my conscience is troublesome and powerful. I never truly did stop caring about Aloisia, but the feelings I once harbored for her have faded. I will no longer do _anything_ for her, and I no longer think of life without her being a wreck. There was no love coming from my side in the relationship anymore—just a friendly concern for her well-being.

After that first night, the four of us had gone out on dates more frequently. I'd gotten to know Ciel more, which had only strengthened my feelings for her. It isn't just a lustful desire based on appearance anymore. It's now a hopeless devotion to a woman that I could never have. I'm certain Aloisia notices the difference in how I treat her, but I cannot bring myself to care.

A few nights after our second outing, Sebastian and Ciel told Alois and me that Sebastian proposed and they were engaged to be married in fall. My time for winning Ciel was coming to an abrupt end...not that I thought winning her was a possibility in the first place. When we got home, after my mind processed the information, I blew up. I just lost it; I screamed and threw things and hit and kicked things. I have never seen Aloisia so frightened in my life and I've never seen such a heartbroken expression on a person's face before.

For months after that took place, our relationship was hanging by a thread. With time, though, everything has gotten better and she seems to have let it go. She's comfortable with me once again, and she shows me the same amount of love she showed before our rough patch. It's a shame I can't do the same for her.

I _want _to love Aloisia again. I know that she is a wonderful person and I care about her deeply. I could live a happy life with her if I would just forget about Ciel. But no matter how hard I try to fall in love with her again, I simply cannot. It's as if Ciel has a magnet that attracts each and every ounce of love and attention I have in me.

I have thought long and hard and considered every option for curing this fixation. I considered medication, therapy, and even finding a woman that could wow me more than both Alois and Ciel. But I forced myself to reject all of those options. I hate myself for being so stubborn.

"I love you, Claude," Aloisia whispers tenderly in my ear, her eyes drooping drowsily.

I don't respond, because I truly do not want to hurt her. She will know I'm lying if I tell her I love her back, so I don't. Instead, I pull the covers over both of our bodies and pull her close before drifting off into a deep sleep.

* * *

><p>Her big, royal blue eyes shimmer like priceless gems as the headlights of passing cars and street lamps reflect in them. Attached to that flawless, gorgeous face is a perfect button of a nose and a pair <em>the<em> most kissable lips I could ever imagine. Long, flowing, shining hair brushes against her back as she takes graceful strides beside me. I feel my eyes wander lower, lower, memorizing every detail of that body that I crave oh so much. How can a human being be this perfect? This girl is absolutely stunning, extravagant, desirable. I want this girl to be _mine_.

"Ciel, I can't take it anymore. I love you. I want you to be with me," I confess shamelessly, no hesitation involved. I find myself wrapping my arms around her tightly, refusing to let her loose, and I bury my face in her hair, breathing in the scent of her shampoo.

"I...," she begins slowly, royal blue orbs traveling up to meet my own. "I will."

I feel my heart begin to pound and I lean down to press my lips against hers in a searing kiss. Our tongues intermingle, our saliva combines, our teeth click together in a passionate kiss. I groan in pure bliss because this...this is _Ciel. _She finally belongs to me, and it feels so fucking excellent! Despite the fact that I have a girlfriend, despite the fact that she is engaged to my brother...God, does this just feel so right!

We part to take in much needed oxygen, and a few moments afterward we are inside of my house. As soon as we cross the threshold we reattach in another hot kiss. I lift her lithe body off of the ground effortlessly and she wraps her legs around me. I retreat from the kiss and proceed to suck and nip at her neck, causing small gasps and moans to escape her lips. I shiver at the noise and speed up the process, eager to take her before I lose her.

Her shirt is the first thing to come off over her head and is thrown, forgotten, upon the floor. My mouth travels lower as it continues to suck and nip, leaving several marks upon her smooth, fair skin. Her head tilts back to grant me better access and she gently tugs my hair. The action does nothing but excites me, and I capture her lips in a kiss once more as I struggle to remove her skirt in our current position. It comes off nonetheless, and my soon-to-be lover is left in nothing but her underwear.

She leans down to kiss me once more, her body arching into mine as I run my hands down her sides. "Claude," she mumbles against the kiss, "Bedroom."

I obey, slowly but surely making my way to the back of the house where my bedroom lies. Once inside, I gently lay her on the bed that stands firm in the center of the room and remove my shirt—just another article of clothing left forgotten. I crawl toward her and stare at her almost completely exposed body as I did so, relishing in the thought that soon that body will be mine and mine alone.

In almost an instant, both us are completely bare I gape in delight at her naked body. I then go to work, leaving hickeys, letting my hands roam over her body, finding all of her sensitive areas. But suddenly her pleasured mewls turn into the loud and obnoxious squawks of an alarm clock.

I could break the damn thing in two. Why right in the middle of the fucking dream? I have too many of them to count ever since I met Ciel for the first time, and they are always interrupted before the mind-blowing sex happens.

I sigh and sit up in bed, planning to take care of the problem in my pants before anything else.

* * *

><p>"You're such a fucking asshole!" Aloisia screams, tears streaked down her pink cheeks. She sits there on the couch, hands cover her face as she sobs.<p>

At this point in time, I do not care about Aloisia as much as I should. In fact, my obsession for Ciel has grown so powerful that Alois simply does not appeal to me anymore. I have been constantly rejecting her, snapping at her, getting irritated with her just because I no longer care for her. That woman is nothing to me now; I do not want her.

It's been almost a whole year since that first dinner date, and over that time my feelings for Aloisia have gone from undying love to unchangeable hate. Lately, all she's been doing is bothering me while I think about Ciel. Now that it's obvious that I no longer have romantic feelings for her, she became desperate to earn my love back. Little did she know that her efforts were in vain.

"Get out," I order her.

"No! Just tell me why you're treating me like this! I...I at least deserve to know that much, don't I?" she howled between hiccups. I have had enough.

"Because I don't love you anymore."

I could hear her heart break. The slow, drawn out sound of porcelain cracking sounded within her chest. Her eyes were wide with surprise and her lips quivered with sadness. Although she already knows this, hearing the words leave my lips probably cut her like broken glass.

"Why? I still love you, Claude, I do. Please love me again, please, Claude. I love you so much..."

"I told you to get the hell out of here! I don't want to see you anymore," I conclude, and she knows just as well as I do what that means. Our relationship of three years is over...just like that. I push her toward the door, wanting her out of my sight before I lose my tempter.

"No it's fucking not! It can't be over! Let's just try to work thi—"

I don't mean for it to happen, but it does. My arm extends and then comes down hard against the side of her face. A red mark already begins to form there and I automatically withdraw my hand, my eyes wide with shock. What have I just done? Guilt washes over me and I want to reach out and comfort her, but that would probably just confuse her—give her the impression that I'm sorry and I take it all back. But I don't. I mean every word I said.

Instead of offering comfort to her, I let her turn around and dash out of the house, an unbecoming look of agony upon her face. I know I have hurt her—broken her heart—and I might be heartless for saying so, but I absolutely do not and cannot care. The one and only thing I'm guilty for is striking her, and not for shattering her heart.

I had much more essential matters to worry about.

'_Are you able to come over? Having a rough time. Need someone to talk to in person.'_

_ 'To be honest, I shouldn't be the first person to call when you need advice.'_

_ 'No advice necessary. Just an ear to listen.'_

_ 'Where's Aloisia?'_

_ 'She left me. That's why I need you here.'_

_ 'Fine. I guess I'll be there shortly. Sebastian is out with his idiots anyways.'_

Oh, now that Alois was gone I have plenty of indecently plans in mind. With Alois out of my way I can do anything I want. Without the restriction of a relationship, I don't have to be bothered with the guilt that comes with cheating. I am free from the binding contract that was my previous relationship.

It feels like hours pass before there's a dainty knock on the front door, and I run to answer it. There, standing on my front porch is the woman I want...desire...crave...there is no word powerful enough to describe what I feel for Ciel. I invite her inside and tell her to make herself comfortable.

"So what happened? She just left you?" Ciel asks me skeptically, knowing Aloisia loved me too much to up and leave for no reason. She sits on the couch, peeling her jacket off and setting it neatly beside her.

I take a deep breath and sit beside her. "Well we had an argument. I told her I didn't love her anymore out of rage, she called me an asshole, and then darted out the door," I lie.

"You said that?" Ciel inquires, concern etched upon her features. "Claude, she is absolutely crazy about you. You probably ripped her heart right in two." She frowns at me.

"I know..." I mumble, not thinking clearly. I'm leaning closer and closer to the beauty, my lips seeking hers.

She, in return, leans away from me. "Claude...?" She pulls her eyebrows together, giving me a strange look.

I sudden find myself grabbing her chin with on hand, wrapping one arm around her body to pull her closer, and capturing her lips in a deep and obsessive kiss. When her lips part in shock, I am able to snake my tongue into her mouth, exploring it, but it is not as pleasant as it could be. Because she is simply sitting there, too shocked and horrified to do a thing, to move a muscle.

I pull away, but remain close. I feel her warm, sweet-smelling breath against my face. Her pretty face contorts into a disgusted expression and she struggles to pull away, but to no avail; she's trapped by my arm.

"Claude, what the hell? Get your filthy hands off of me!" she shouts at me, but I only stand up, picking her up into my arms as I do so. I keep a firm grip on her. I finally, finally have her and I will _never _let her go.

"No, Ciel. I'm going to fuck you so hard that you'll forget about your husband. You will love me."

_She will love me. She will crave me. She will fucking lose her mind because of me. Just like I have lost mine because of her._

I easily brush off her protests, deafened by my own desires that were telling me to do this. I feel like a starving man who has patiently waited for months to eat his food, and the time has finally come. I am so incredibly thrilled at this moment, because I know what will happen next. Screw the foreplay, because I am already hard thinking about it.

In a few moments I am in the bedroom. I toss her onto the bed and immediately kneel over her so that she can't escape. Even though it's clear that I can overpower her small frame, she does not give up the fight. She continues to kick and squirm and scream and curse at me, and it excites me even more because I tell myself that she's simply playing hard to get. I convince myself that she does want this, that she wants it just as much as I do.

Without a second thought, I hastily and forcefully rip the clothes right off of our bodies. Oh, how absolutely gorgeous this body beneath me is. How beautiful the _soul_ within that body is. But I cannot take the time to memorize its splendid details or to fully take in its exquisiteness, because this needs to happen before I lose her, before she's gone forever.

I don't give the girl a moment to prepare before I push into her and brutally begin to thrust my hips back and forth. Even though she cries out in pain and struggles, and continues to demand that this end, I do not stop. Even though I see the tears welling up in those memorizing orbs—tears that I know she will not allow to spill free—I could not control my actions as I gave her breasts a squeeze and continued to thrust in and out, to grind into her.

"St-stop...this! I-I...nooo!" she cries out, but does not beg, only demands. She will never beg for anything. She will not back out of this fight against me.

This sensation is better than anything I have ever experienced. It's because I didn't have to pretend this is Ciel; it is actually her. I have waited, dreamt of this moment. It was literally a dream come true, to be so close to the woman I truly love. I didn't have to hold back, to worry. Because while I am simply too blinding by lust to realize that this is _not _consensual sex.

I push those thoughts out of my head and continue the deed until I finish, until I release my seed inside of her. I shiver, feeling positively overjoyed, blissful, ecstatic. Nothing in the world—in the universe—could have pleased me more than what has just taken place. I successfully convince myself that she had thoroughly enjoyed herself just like I had, that she had been willing to commit such an act with me. Because she loves me. That is what I tell myself.

I pull out, climb off of her, and lay beside her, panting and sweating and trying to calm down. I want to do it again; the first time was too rushed, over too quickly. But her limbs are shaking so violently that it rattles the bed and her breathing is hoarse and labored. Her face is still red and damp with sweat as she tries desperately to catch her breath. We are silent, even once our breathing calms. It feels like hours, so I finally turn to her, seeking some sort of reaction.

As soon as she sees me shift her way, she sits up and rapidly begins to pull her torn clothes back onto her body. I can see the panic on her face, as everything has just sunken in. Once her clothes are back on, she turns to me with a new expression of rage on her face. "Claude Faustus, I hope you burn in hell. You make me sick. If you ever touch me again...if you ever come _near_ me again, believe me, you will spend years behind bars. Trust me, Faustus, when I say..."

No...no...no, no, no! Don't _say _it! Do not lie and say you don't love me, because you do. You are head over heels for me. I know you are, because I _need _you to be. I can feel my heart twist and wrench within my chest. I feel my blood go cold within my veins, my stomach drop, my head spin, because I know the words she's about to say will forever ruin my life.

"I do not love you. I will never love you."

I stare up at the ceiling, unmoving, and do not try to stop her when she darts out of the room. My limbs seem to be made of jelly, so I lay there nude on my bed for hours, hours on end. Even though it's late and I feel fatigue wash over my body, I do not try to sleep. I cannot sleep with the intense, unwanted sorrow that fills my heart to the brim. I have never felt so pathetic. I have never felt so empty and sad and vulnerable.

My body appears to move on its own accord, my mind having no control. I am possessed by a dangerous thing called heartbreak. It leads me to the kitchen. It causes me to raise my arm, for my hand to grip a certain handle, and then my legs to carry me back to where I once was. I sit down on the edge of my bed and stare lifelessly at the arm that is about to be pierced with the knife I now possess. I imagine the bright red blood pumping through those veins, and how it will soon escape the confines of those tiny vessels.

I allow the razor-sharp blade to pierce the flesh of my wrists and the veins nestled within. I slice myself so many times that there's barely any room left, until so much blood is pouring out that all I can see around my bare body is the color red. On the floor, all of my legs and stomach, my arms, and soaked into the bed.

I am too focused on dying to care about leaving a note. I can only hope that Aloisia knows that I did not take my own life for her, but that I took it because of the woman in which I was hopelessly devoted to for all this time. The blood that drains from my body is shed for Ciel, and Ciel alone. My vision is blurry, my head feels as light as a feather, and my life is slowly fading just for her; the woman that will never love me.

I take a deep breath right before I know I am about to die, and the last thing I can think to think before I move on is simply the name of that beautiful soul.

_ Ciel..._

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><p><em>AN: Please review! :)  
><em>


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